The Crisis

the last couple of days ive been chilling at the cops station here in doha.

here's the story.

i have 2 brothers, one of them is called charlie. charlie works for this construction company as a excavator operator. why is that my brother, comming from a well to do family works as a labourer at a construction site? ill answer that if you really want to know later.

anyhows he works this big swinging shovel kinda thing that scoops mud and stuff. so while scooping some sand he accidentely swung the bucked of this really huge machine at the foremans head who wasnt supposed to be at the spot of shoveling. he was talking on the phone...

the foreman was injured and my brother was taken to jail...

we got my bro out on bail today cause it was an accident case and negligance of the foreman to be standing so close to the machine.

The foreman now has a broken neck and some brain hemorage. also has got partial paralsys of his body...

all thats required is a few prayers so that he pulls through....


more details later...

thanks...

Guess that image!!! part 4

Aight.
its that time again. winner of this one gets the usual plac on my sidebar.
Also for everyone who is missing the trivial blog posts, i wont be posting much till bev leaves which is on the 6th.... see u guys then. this image is an easy one...

Holiday

for anyone who wants to know who bev is...

Find Purpose and the means will follow.

The title line was quoted by gandhi at some point and then put up on a billboard for an ad campaign at the mahim-bandra causeway junction. i donno why but it always made sense to me. creating ideas and solving problems at work and socically totally makes sense if u strongly believe in that line. ive always said it to all my friends whenever they say to me "clint, thats impossible" or "clint, how did u think of that"

so anyways. i just found a new theme of things to put up on the blog after the other series of mine like Coverstations with the ceiling , Guess that image and TIBO. and its called 'find purpose and means will follow'. its dedicated to simply making life easier...

First in the series is...

How to Open a bottle with a Cigarette lighter!!!

This is a problem i feel every one who has gone out partying has faced with: "where the fuck is the opener". On not finding the 0pener the mostly drunk party goers resort to many un civilised means of bottle opening. such as...

1. opening with teeth-(very un hygenic and also chances of teeth chips being in ure beer.
2. opening at side of the table-(for people who dont fully understand the power of a bottle cap and eventually end up chipping the nice table)
3. opening by breaking the bottle-(this one of for the criminally insane. just eat the bottle man)

To help everyone out with this problem heres the sure shot, hygenic way of bottle opening which should get u tru the festive season smoothly.










1. you need a bottle and a cigarette lighter.(or anything that has an edge)








Hold the bottle at the neck real tight!






put the bum end of the lighter between your nuckles and ure first joint of your index finger. make sure everythings nice and tight.












and smoothly just push the cap up. try avoiding the let it slip so do it slowly. the minute u hear the gas fizzin out of the cap means you are doin it right. and trust me if u do it right. the bottle opens quite effortlessly.






and when its finally open i promise you itll be like youve discovered fire and you will let out the cheesiest of grins ever.









Thanks going out to Ray for teaching me this trick! Have a smooth christmas season everyone!!!

Murphy's gone and fucked it up again!

"If anything can go wrong. It will"

and right enought it has. as everyone who has been following my blog knows that bev's comming down in a few days which also meant that i was on leave. And everyone also knows that i publish this monthly magazine called qatar happenings.

now Qatar happenings was meant to be published by the 18th of this month. which conincidently was the same day my leave starts and bev gets here. Ususally im quite the cautious idiot when it comes to cutting things close and following Mr. Murpheys law...

i completely disreguared the outside factor of advertisers comming in on time. well they are not. which means the book is delayed and bev will be here and ill be bloody working. i wont be working all the time but still im sure my mind will definately not be on work.

FUCK FUCK FUCK and another FUCK.

If anything can go wrong! it will.

coincidently this law was named after an airforce captain called Edward A. Murphy. who designed this thing ya to test how much sudden deceleration a body can take in a crash...

meaning he made this law as a part of his field test to see how many Gforces a body can take in a crash...

the irony of paradox...

The Boys

This is how I define good friends. Say you lock your self with your 2 friends in an empty room ya. And all you find is a toothpick. If you end up making a sport outta who flicks the toothpick the furtherest, means you guys are good friends.

Its like when u do finally meet up its like we never left. I’m talking about my good friends Keith and pokey. Pokeys real name is Gresham. But due to some freak name calling in college. Gresham became Gresh. Gresh Became Ham. Ham became pork. Pork became Porky. And since he wasn’t fat it finally became pokey. The three of us are worlds apart but yet manage to do the stupidest of things.

Keith is a web guy. Does all sorts of consultation for web stuff. I don’t exactly know what he does but I know its good at whatever he’s doing cause he keeps buying new cars and bikes. And also Keith and me got kicked outta college together for some attendance issue. We were too busy playing guitar at andies(food joint). both of us eventually landed up in design. He went web and I went print.

Pokey is the chef at this restaurant called The Saltwater Grill in Mumbai. He too is doing quite alight for himself. We knew he’d end up in the cooking business since he was always the first one to make breakfast after an intense night of drinking. His eggs were to die for. And he was pretty good at flambéing stuff cause Keith and me used to enjoy watching the flames almost touching my ceiling and then clap afterwards. In hindsight it wasn’t one of the best ideas to be flambéing stuff after drinking, but what the heck!

The reason im writing this post is cause I just stumbled across this small video clip of my last trip to Bombay. I was staying at the Marriott renaissance in powai with bev for a few days and the Boys decided to drop by. I bet you that you have never seen a sillier scene ever! Keith is the one lying on the bed and Pokey comes in later…

Just wanted to say that I miss you guys and hope to see you soon. Life would have been very boring without you!!!

click here, to download video. or right click and choose "save target as"

The Frankfurter Conspiracy!

So...

It started when I got back home from the pearl. It wasn’t that late and I had an early dinner. My air conditioner was making some water flow noises that worried me and I turned it off. The air conditioner has noting to do with the story but I just thought Id add it for some drama. I was already changed into the bare sleeping essentials and suddenly hunger set in. it was that kinda hunger that would make a somalian cry. So I decided to scope some food out at my parents place. (they live next door to me)

I didn’t bother to get changed and went there. There are a few tasks to over come whilst entering the house late at night. One of them is my dog. Snoopy. And if anyone thinks that its easy to enter a house without waking a dog…. Well a big ‘fuck you’ to you!. I don’t believe you. Either that or your dog is dead!

The key went in and the door opened only to realize the stupid windchimes my parents have that made a slight jingle and make my face look like I had just sucked on a lemon. I turned the corridor lights on only to see snoopy all awake and sitting right next to me like on of those funny moments in movies. No barking, no sniffing. Noting just sitting and watching me. Now, there was a reason for this kind of behavior. You’ll find out in the end.

I reach the kitchen with snoopy following me only to realize that there wasn’t any food left. Which means I had to cook some! I must say that my culinary skills are awesome depending on how much I want to woo bev. But at 2:30 in the morning I just didn’t bother. I scanned the fridge and all I could find was Frankfurters!

Fry or Boil?

Had to do it quietly so that no one would wake up. I looked at them franks and said “hello franky, my name is bond, James bond”. With all the sneaking in and stuff it felt like the moment needed for that line to be said.

I boiled the buggers.

Here’s the thing about boiling. Its kinda noisy. All the bubbles popping makes it a little annoying. And that too after carefully picking all the pans and bowls to find the right dish without making any sound. Its quite strange to see how much mess I can make just by boiling some franks. As I saw them float to the top and realizing they were done. I got my plate, turned the lights off and headed for the door.

You know what. For a second there I could almost hear a snicker. And not the funny kinda snicker. It was one of those I played you! You fool kinda snicker. It was snoopy standing right at the bloody door so I couldn’t open it. What a smart bastard! He only let me without barking only cause he knew he would get some food.
I was 2 franks short of my meal. But that was aight. I got away without waking anyone up. I don’t think my parents still know about who took the frankfurters.

Bond always gets his franks!

Locked!

next song available to download on the sidebar! wrote this song in 10 mins... the lyrics are selfexplainatory

its a Jukebox

i know it was kinda tough. but everyones seen one of these things atleast once. have a good look the next time you seen a jukebox

Guess That image!!! part 3

Take that!!!
id like to see you guys take a wack at this one!
clues will be given on request only!
Gaderine & conman are not allowed on this one as they probably know what the image is!

Tool!!!

And im not talking about a hammer and saw variety. No. Not those kinda tools, this is the human tool. And lets just say hes a blunt one.
Reasons I hate this tool

1. He looks like a bloody monkey! Its not like me to say bad things about the way people look but honesly there is a slight resemblance to the Chacma Baboons. Google Chacma Baboons and ull see!
2. This tool is one of the few men who don’t take rejection from women very gracefully. You know how they say that when there’s a leech stuck on you, don’t pull him out, use some salt and he’ll fall off? Yeah. Well this tool isn’t like that, pour all the salt on this guy and he’ll still be sucking like a vacuum when it gets stuck while cleaning the curtains.
3. The tool is FUGLY. This is what FUGLY means. You take a fat dude with a big stomach and then you put him in some ugly (he thinks is cool) clothes and then you get FUGLY
4. The tool has a wrench for a girlfriend. What makes the wrench even stupider than the tool is that the wrench has no idea of the bluntness of the tool. I cant believe that any human cant see stupidity starting at his of her face and doing nothing about. Which only goes to prove that the wrench is equally as stupid as the tool.
5. The tool has a cool job. And honestly does it well. Which has completely shattered my ‘you have to have a certain amount of coolness to have a cool job’ theory
6. The tool cracks jokes that makes you want to go for counseling later. Therapy is the only solution after you have been attacked by one of the tools jokes.
   
   PSA just cause he gives ‘Men’ a bad name!

Guess that image!!!

you know the drill... just guess what the image actually is... its quite simple. lets see who gets it right...

And Caroling me must go!!!

As most of you who frequently visit my blog know that I come from Goa. And being goan comes with its own set of abilities and talents. Once such talent, which is embedded in our gene pool, is music. There is barefoot football too, but I didn’t stray in that direction. Im sure saltwater would agree with me.

Anyhow, ever since ever that I remember playing guitar, I remember going around the block singing Christmas carols at everyone’s house. And I’ve probably played all of them. But there was this one song that I just didn’t get. Actually there are a couple but for the sake of easy readability I’m only going to mention one for now.

I saw mommy kissing santa clause!

Now this song has tormented me for a while now. Lets look at the lyrics first:

“I Saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus,
Underneath the mistletoe last night!
She didn't see me creep,
Down stairs to have a peep!
She thought that i was tucked up
In my bedroom fast asleep.

Then I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus,
underneath his beard so snowy white!
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If Daddy had only seen,
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night!”

the first couple of lines in my then nimble mind I just couldn’t understand. Theres this kid who has just seen his mother kissing santa clause. And we are all singing about it. Sure theres the mature way of looking at it and sayin ok kewl hes an old guy and it’s a harmless kiss like but then the last couple of lines kinda contradict that. “if daddy had only seen” would there have been a family squabble if daddy would have seen? I donno. If its harmless then why the secrecy?

Secondly, this kid is just a pervert! Sneaking in on his mother like that.

Thirdly. Beard tickling! Now that’s just kinky

This is one of the most absurd Christmas songs ever! And the enthusiasm we all sing it with! Bloody Hilarious!

Shattered!!!

finally had the time to upload the original shattered track. trust me, download it, listen to the lyrics. its for the ones who got away... the link is on the right called shattered original.

Its December…

Tis the season!

Lemme describe the mood. It’s a cool night. There’s fog in the air. And every time I take a deep breath I can feel my lungs cold. The air conditioners are off, and suddenly you can hear everything. And nothing. The stars are bright. And im in a fucking mental mood.

Here’s what happens to me in this Christmas season. Actually every Christmas season. I get soo happy you may just wanna throw coconuts at me, with all the intention of both the nuts breaking! And even when the coconut and my nut breaks open, you would still see all my teeth gleaming through the blood.

Everything about this time is just magic. I cant help but do happy and nice things. Chivalry is at its very best. Some people say it’s a bit soon for me to be all ditsy like this but its December. And Christmas is 3 weeks away. More over the love of my life is coming to town. Bevs the only woman on this planet who no matter what has happened and what will happen, ill always love her. Sometimes you are just meant to love someone no matter how much you try to stray away from it!

Life is mostly difficult, troublesome. People go out of their way to piss you off. Bosses get a wee bit extra bossy. Lovers get difficult. Cash is always a little short. But the truth is that it doesn’t really matter in this month.

For 25 days in a year, no matter what happens you know its Christmas. Spread the joy around.

Even a smile goes a long way… go ahead try it!