Chameli Night

“You can take a man out of India but you can never take the need for extreme stupidity out of an indian”.

- Clinton Cardozo. 4th august 2006

This is a post ive been wanting to write for a while now but never got around to doing it cause I didn’t get an overdose of what I experienced last night. Following is the gist of my morbid experience at something called chameli night.

We have this club here called cloud NYN. It’s quite a cozy place to go to on the weekends. Its not an awesome club but the guy who runs the place Satish, aka Dj stash is a great guy and I support him in whatever endeavors he sets on. He plays the music I like and there are generally some good friends around so you kinda forget the fact that it’s a dingy dump.

Anyhow stash throws these various theme nights. One of them is called chameli night.
It is what the name states it is. A night dedicated to Indian remixed club music. Firstly id like there to have been a better name. and not the most common name of a really cheap Indian prostitute. They even made a movie bout this Indian prostitute called chameli.

You would think that naming a theme night after majority of indian hookers will keep the people at bay. But let me tell you that the club had to send people away at the gate. It was THAT crowded. I like crowds in clubs, it makes it more clubby. But when I get brushed by this overzealous fat indian dude who is drenched with sweat in his authentic silk kurta it makes me rethink how good of a friend stash is to me. If ever I had gone and experienced this Kumbh ka mela I keep hearing about in old hindi movies, it probably would have felt like it. I was scared that I would never find my way back to civilization.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t mind the theme night. Being a musician I do appreciate the different kinds of musical genres. Even if its like hindi club music. What I have an issue with is the kinda people it attracts. Why cant us Indians tone is down a little? I don’t like loud obnoxious people who try soo hard to show everyone they are having fun. Indians on the whole are loud, yeah I agree. You can see that at every goan wedding but when ure in a confined space and everyone is behaving the same way, it gets a little daunting.

Then comes the good old indian attitude. You must remember something. Indians are lovers not fighters. We came up with the kamasutra. The japs came up with the art of war stuff. Heck we even won our independence with the non violence/non corporation movement. We just look stupid when It comes to arrogance. But people from the indian subcontinent somehow feel that its cool to give the “don’t fuck with me or ill ‘try’ and beat you up” look. They suddenly get over protective about their girlfriends and for some reason the table that their sitting at. For fucks sake man!!! The reason I look at ure girlfriend is cause I cant believe how ugly she is and how anyone in the right mind would let her out in public. And as far as your table is concerned I don’t have a fetish for your table. You can take it home and make sweet love to it as far as im concerned. im sure it’ll still be better than your hideous girlfriend.

Last but not least… the chicks!!!

Heres the equation

Hindi remix + ghagra choli + barefeet bharatnatium + rum = somebody shoot me!

I never consider myself good looking. I never have and never will. I do look like im upto something all the time but that’s just me. I would never overdress myself & behave like im Brad Pitts long lost brother. But apparently some women that I seen last night have no clue or concept of a mirror. I have noting against people who aren’t good looking,. But I have something against people who think they are good looking but arnt really. Because they get loud. Try to attract a lotta attention. But heres the mystery, they actually get the attention. I mean from equally ugly guys but then I guess they cancel each other out.

I must confess that there was some songs that I really liked and I was with a decent set of people who were enjoying it a little more than I was but I wasn’t really bored. As insane as it was and a mockery of the indian culture I somehow was mildly amused by the whole thing. It made me realize that who we as a culture are gonna destroy ourselves from within. We don’t need any other country to come bomb us. We just need some gyrating bollywood actors and actresses defining which direction our culture takes. Bollywood has become the benchmark for our culture. And what is bollywood anyways. Just a sodomised version of whatever Hollywood has to offer. We have all become the sheep that follows the footsteps of really bad pop culture.

I rest assured that I wont be going for a chameli night anytime soon. I got an overdose of India. I love my country, but when I get a cruel reminder of the people I have to deal with, id rather take my chances elsewhere.