Urinal Etiquette

Things I have noticed in a urinal that I think everyone needs to know.

1. if someone is standing in one stall do not use the stall next to him, use the alternate one. That’s the almighty first rule! Breaking this means you are gay.
2. while doing your business, whistling is allowed, although singing is absolutely prohibited. It disturbs the flow of the other urinators! Unless you are whistling the start of “patience” by guns and roses and continue with the lyrics!
3. please focus on the job at hand. Do not try and make idle conversation with the person next to you. Taking a piss is not a social scene!
4. Peeping is definitely NOT allowed! It is allowed however if you want to be beaten up with pissy hands!
5. smoking is allowed, but do not ask the person next to you to hold your cigarette. Because the person next to you busy holding something else. Unless its weed!
6. if drunk while in a urinal use your head, against the wall for balance. Using shoulders, hands, legs and other appendages will cause ure aim to get off and you’d probably get piss over someone elses shoes. In which case you should be glad you are drunk. You wont feel the pain of someone’s fist in your face!
7. while finishing off do not shake with large motions. It might give the person next to you an inferiority complex. Unless you are deliberately trying to do so.
8. do not push anyone in a urinal, turning around it a reflex action.
9. Sounds like “Whooo” and “ooooohhh” and “Fuuuucccckk” are perfectly justified. If anyone disagrees. They just don’t understand the value of a good piss!
10. you cannot shake goodbye under any circumstance. Don’t even offer!